It was a sudden realization. An ahhuhhh moment. To quote the Despicable, liiiight buuulb.
I don’t rest.
Oh. Hm. Interesting. I don’t, do I?
In my excitement of this discovery, I elatedly interrupted my siblings and parents playing their games of Minecraft or reading books or whatever they were restfully doing (ironic) and informed them of my realisation. They rolled their faces – not just their eyes, their faces – and looked at me with a look of bafflement and stupefaction. Well, duhhh. That’s what we’ve been telling you for years!
I go along with watching movies to be with the family. I go to bed as late as possible after drifting through facebook feeds I’ve already read and don’t honestly care about. But otherwise, I push myself to the limits and beyond. I work all but full time, I have a bunch of volunteering and outside work commitments, and then there’s cleaning and family and paying bills and all that surviving kind of stuff. I tell myself I am relaxing when I have coffee with friends, blog, create, or play the piano because I feel the need to do those things and I run out of time to just… be.
I like creating and playing music and being with friends but they offer a different kind of rest, a stimulating, not-working kind of rest, rather than an unwinding, no pressure, no outcome, just chilling and having fun for fun’s sake, maybe even ‘wasteful’ kind of rest. Mind you, I don’t do enough of these things to refresh me, either.
I don’t know if all this is theologically correct, or if playing Mario Carts is a holy enough profession in the Rest category. I know in the good ole days rest looked like walks through the park and rocking chairs, but then again it was games of Solitaire and sleep and books and skipping ropes too. Our world adjusts through the generations and I don’t think I can say one activity is better than another. Who knows how God rested on his seventh day of creation, but he did it. << This in itself is mind blowing and utterly complete (but ignored) justification to rest.
Resting is totally legit, but I don’t do it enough. I believe the lie that good girls are constantly on the go, that I must reach my ambiguous ideal of Perfection (Everything is Done), that I must be Responsible and keep working. That I am not enough until I reach success. (To be honest, I’ll never get there and the result is stressssss. Jesus says to come rest, to stop trying so hard. We are enough as we are.)
So this year, I’m going to try resting. To let go somewhat of the to do list. To balance responsibility with rest. Coz I’m only human and God is okay with rest. He (dare I say it?) wants me to rest. Any other way is, let’s be honest, just working for a status he’s already given us – accepted.
I’m not exactly sure how and when I’ll fit this in, or what I’ll do. I hope it will involve more sleep, enticing books, more movies, some computer games of Civilization III, and maybe one day I’ll even win a game of Mario Carts.
Do you ever feel bad resting? How do you best really chill, unwind, and rest?